Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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