we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize