k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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