Your face is a jimmy john
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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