what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
