batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
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