Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
