i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
