....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
