I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize