I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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