you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
