Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
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Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
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I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My ass is underappreciated
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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