Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
either way he was missing a nipple.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
