OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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