We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So vagazzling was a success
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
