I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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