Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
