Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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