she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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