i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
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it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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