she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
