he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
