apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
