Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
im six kinds of drunk right now
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
