What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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