my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
