He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i love accidental penises.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
