About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
