I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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