I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
