You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
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He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
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Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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