I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
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