"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
