I'm eating all of the evidence.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
