I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know š
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
At least Iām an āessential employeeā and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesnāt ask why Iām essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
