It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
