I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
