Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
