can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
