Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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