I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
