You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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