We're facebook friends in real life
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
