Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
