Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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