I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
