your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
