o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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