Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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