the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Houston, we have a squirter
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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