It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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