She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
