My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
