Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
3 2 1 whiskey
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
