that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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