I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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