U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
