just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
