guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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