the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
