I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
