What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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