He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
