he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
