Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
