just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She's like a pop up book from hell.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
